THERE IT IS. A hot bowl of borscht, looking for all the world like it wants to bite me. The enemy incarnate, on our very own shores. If ever I was going to strike a blow for the U.S. of A., this was the time.
THE LOCATION: Dvin Restaurant on Big Bend Blvd, St. Louis.
MISSION: Expose treasonous, beet-based soups for the communist, disgusting scourge that they are.
RESULT: ...
total failure.
Disappointingly, I cannot disparage the borscht at Dvin to any degree. It was delicious. Instead of being a beet soup, it was actually a multi-vegetable broth comprised principally of tomatoes, with beets playing a minor role as sweetener. The dish itself was completely vegetarian, with potatoes, cabbage, carrots, and I think zucchini providing the soup's heartiness. The bread was really good, too. Like a top-notch version of naan.
But my chance for redemption came when the entree was served! Varenyky??? That doesn't sound like American Food (you capitalize 'food' in America) to me. Dumplings filled with creamy, delicious mashed potatoes?? Where I come from (you know, AMERICA??) we make our dumplings with chicken in 'em. Or something.
And what is that in the middle? Russian relish? There would be no 'relishing' this offense, comrade. I think we all know too well where this is headed (hint: it's Moscow). Time for Josh to prove. His. Point.
...But the truth is that the varenyky was almost as delicious as the borscht. A much more delicate flavor, which on first impression seems bland, the potatoes and dill provide a thick 'mouth-feel' on the back of the palette. The Russian relish (which was labeled as stewed cabbage, probably a better descriptor) was even excellent. The whole dish was surprisingly filling, too, and after the borscht, I was only able to finish half of it.
Even the waitress (a mother-daughter team runs the restaurant, and the daughter is the waitress) was friendly, attentive, and informative.
But I haven't lost hope! Somewhere, there is an insidious culinary threat to our way of life, and I will not rest until I have brought it down. Stay vigilant, brothers and sisters, else we allow our country to become the worst of all nationalities: Multi-National.
Burgers 'N' Borscht? Alan Moore shares my terror
Last image is from Watchmen. Original story by Alan More, art by Dave Gibbons. Rights reserved by DC Comics.
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